Wrapped Up In Books

Ryan Reynolds & Scarlett Johansson marry, or, Somewhere Alanis Morissette is seething

This past Saturday, the moron who dumped Alanis last year (that would be Ryan Reynolds) married Scarlett Johansson somewhere in the sticks of British Columbia, near Vancouver. Because he’s a Canadian and isn’t that fantastic.

I don’t know if anyone heard the clip of Alanis on the Howard Stern Show (I don’t follow it, but I’m still a fan of hers, so I listened in), but she seems to be recovering from their break-up quite well. And I think she’s the better half of that former duo anyway. Ryan Reynolds is probably still known as ‘that guy’ from ‘Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place‘ (though I’m sure that’s fading into the ether now, too).

Here’s to them settling down and moving out of the spotlight because nobody cares. I just thought this would be a primo opportunity to pump some classic Morisette tunes. And perhaps also to place bets on how long this might last. I’m putting two years down – anyone want to throw in their two cents?

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I’m not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me, Mr. Duplicity?
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face, how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?

I’m sure when she wrote this she never foresaw it would be useful again twelve years later, and probably in a much more intense context. All the power to you, Alanis! (Dave Coulier and Ryan Reynolds weren’t worth it anyway.)

Here’s hoping someone who inspires you to write songs like this comes into your life soon.

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