Wrapped Up In Books

This post likely not approved by 50 eligible American bachelors
October 6, 2008, 10:32 pm
Filed under: A, potpourri, Rants | Tags: , , , ,

I just finished my homework for epidemiology and was cruising through my Google Reader (how did I ever get by before it?) to catch up on some daily musings. One of the blogs I read is written by a 20-something girl living in NYC who happens to intern at Cosmopolitan. I do not read Cosmo. Each issue is the re-written tome of every month that has come before it. You’ll find the same sex tips written a little differently, the same ugly trends of the season, and read gossip that’s already old by the time it’s in print.

However, this girl’s most recent post was a nod towards what she’s been working on lately: an instalment cataloguing each state’s ‘hottest’ bachelor (or something like it). Open that link and follow along so you know what I’m going on about! Have your daily shits and giggles, friends.

I think this is where I’ll just launch into a small tirade about how some selections are laughable and others enforce the guy’s double standard for women.

Mr Delaware (Erik Hopkins) sees sex on the first date as “skanky” (as did Mr Alaska, Levi Fox), which makes me hope they were given either “great”, “neutral”, or “skanky” as choices because I think that’s an awful adjective to pin on anybody.

Mr Arkansas (Jimmy Watson) loves the butterflies of waiting for a girl to text him back when they’re first dating, but Mr Delaware freaks out if she texts too much. (Mr Delaware also bears a seriously unfortunate resemblance to my second to last landlord who was veritably insane.) He’s just radiating positivity by saying hook-ups can never evolve into a decent relationship. Great.

In the line up as it’s presented, Mr Florida (Dr Brett Zak) would seemingly be the winner thus far (a dentist!). Can I ask who dressed him though? Because he totally looks ready for a day at the beach with his trunks and Oxford on. Maybe he dressed himself considering his idea of dressing to impress involves overalls and a baseball cap. Unless he means just the overalls and not much else, I don’t understand that.

Mr Hawaii’s bio is just too good to not quote:

In the words of his roommate’s girlfriend, who nominated him: “Jon is a guy you crave in bed yet can’t wait to take home to Mom.”

What?!?! I died laughing at that. Let’s hope Jon Fritzler‘s roommate doesn’t read this!

Mr Illinois is milking the sensitive-guy card like nobody’s business so far. (Does everyone have a soul mate? “I hope so.” You and me both, Kyle Rudduck.)

Ack! Another for SOTFD being skanky (Mr Indiana, Will Woodward). That makes for 3.

Redemption! Mr Louisiana (Jason Cooper) for the win (this far in)! (Sex on a first date? “Sexy, as long as I still have to work for it”). I may seem to be obsessed with this concept, but I think it’s just the feminist in me dying a little whenever someone poopoos it for us girls yet high fives a guy for it. That’s all.

I laughed again when I read that Mr Maine (Derek Hawkes) thinks that not everyone has a soulmate. Or at least the phrasing is so poor that it seems that was what he was inferring: Does everyone have a soul mate? “No.”

(There are too many states, jeez.)

Strangest name so far: Yale Murgatroyd (Mr Nebraska). I wonder if he’ll read this when he Googles his name.

Mr Rhode Island (Feyisayo Oshinkanlu) brings the count to 4 for SOTFD = skanky. And #5 goes to Mr South Carolina, Tribble Reese (who, ironically, thinks that girls going commando is sexy. Go figure). #6: Ditto that for Mr West Virginia, Daniel Kirk.

Canada has only 10 provinces and 3 territories so 50 states make for a beyond-exhaustive list. Anyway, I’ll end this far too long and way too shallow post with a comment that more guys could keep their shirts on, or even (gasp!) they might not choose guys who look like they’re volunteer firefighters on the weekends. There always comes that point in life where your looks will fade and your muscles will atrophy and everything else will keep carrying on, so let’s hear it for the intelligent, open-minded, kind, and adventurous guys out there. I know I can count on not finding those people in Cosmo.

Copyright © 2008 WrappedUpInBooksBlog. All rights reserved.

This post was edited to include each mentioned bachelor’s name since the stats indicate that someone is looking for them on WordPress!  Especially Mr Murgatroyd!


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Who is Mr. Alabama? I guess he wasn’t that impressive. (I also can’t check Cosmo’s site at work, and I refuse to buy the magazine for the same reasons as you.)

Comment by Amy

Lamar Ruxlow is his name. He’s 23 and here’s his bio:

Occupation: Plumber

In his own words: “I’m the guy who always wants to party or travel.”

Biker boy: “I couldn’t live without my bike. I love to do stunts.”

Ideal girlfriend: “A woman who likes to talk and be around people, because I’m very social.”

Wow him by wearing: “High heels”

Sex on a first date? “Skanky”

Dating deal breaker: “Griping about past issues. I’d rather hear about exciting future plans.”

Dude behavior decoded: “If a guy wants to kick it with his buddies, it doesn’t mean he wants out of the relationship. We need guy time.”

Can a guy and a girl just be friends? “Definitely. But not friends with benefits — that will ruin things.”

I just realized that I missed his ‘skanky’ response in my count. Make that 7/50 bachelors instead of just 6. *dies*

Comment by bohemianvegan

Most of the questions they asked us did have pre-chosen answers for us to choose from. It was like taking a multiple choice question about yourself where you didn’t even get to choose the right answers so of course they made us look either ‘skanky’ which was an answer for just about every question or ‘sensitive’ which you classified me as being. It was “i hope so” “definitely not” and some other dumb choice.

Comment by Kyle Rudduck

Good to know! You certainly made a way better impression than the rest of your fellow bachelors, Kyle.

Comment by bohemianvegan

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: