Filed under: A, Rants, Uncategorized | Tags: A, birth name, feminism, feminist, last name, nee, Rants, sexism, surname, wedding
Marriage. I, for one, cannot imagine myself being married (though I’ve thought about who I would and wouldn’t invite to the wedding and what the flowers would be (lilies or hydrangea)). However, many of my former high school classmates have found themselves at the end of the aisle, saying their I dos, and a lot of them follow up with a name change on Facebook.
My problem is not the institution of marriage (I am very glad, by the way, that lesbian/gay couples can marry like the rest of us heterosexuals who are otherwise bastardizing marriage as we know it – the heteros, not the gays), my problem is the concept of changing one’s name upon becoming wed to another.
Can someone please tell me how many men in Western culture are changing their names upon marriage? Few to none, my friends. Few to effing none. And how many women are? I know the number is very likely on the decline (though with extremist religion populations on the incline, who can say for certain!), and probably the stats of female name changes are lower now than they were in my mother’s generation.
I do not understand the need for a name change at all. My own mother changed her surname upon marrying my father, but that was a different era, and it was pretty radical to not have done so. Not so much now.
My surname (I will never resign myself to calling it my ‘maiden name’ – how sexist is that) has identified me for the past twenty plus n years. I am not about to change it now, or ever. It’s a very unique name and I am related, somehow, to every single individual who also bears it.
Is it not bothersome to have to change all of your documents over (passport, driver’s license, health card – if you’re lucky enough to reside in a country that covers your healthcare, SIN card, etc.) to your new name? And most importantly, what of my diploma that represents the degree I literally put blood, sweat, and tears into earning?
I think it is time for the women of my generation (what are we called? Someone told me once that we’re the “Kangaroo Generation” because we still live in the safety and comfort of our parents’ pockets) to step up and refuse to change your name unless your partner would also be willing.
Your name identifies YOU and no one else. Stop subscribing to patriarchal (and inherently sexist) ideals. There is no reason to be playing musical names.
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Wrapped Up In Books 
Since if I ever get married it will clearly be well after I become “Dr BB”, there is no way I’m changing my name. It’s not worth the effort, at all, to change it once I’m a vet. And I hugely second your diploma comment!!
(though, I have considered dropping the second B before I graduate…)
I want my husband to be called “Mr Dr BB”, like in the old days when Dr’s wives were called “Mrs Doctor” 😉
Comment by Maggie August 27, 2008 @ 7:18 pm[…] And, naturally, my family doesn’t fit the bill. My mom’s side doesn’t apply; she’s the oldest of three kids (her, a sister, then a brother) and her parents had an equal mix of boys and girls. My dad is the second of four boys (no girls), and I have twin sisters, and his other brother who has children has two girls. No boys at all, and hence the extinction of our surname (no need to reiterate how I’m adamant about not changing mine if/when I marry). […]
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